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Last Login: 9/17/2007 6:52:37 AM
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| | What do you think? I have a 17 year old Junior in our youth group. He's been coming to this church almost his entire life with his mom and family (step dad doesn't come). He has autism. His counselor has told me that it's just a mild form. When he was younger he was mainly a distraction and interupted a lot, whatever pops in his head he says it not matter what it is or when. As he has gotten older besides his physical changes his actions have taken a turn for the worst. in the past two years he has assaulted 6 students and one leader. Last night he got mad at a girl because she told him to quit messing with her and so he poked her in the eye. When I asked him to talk with me he stood right where he was stiffened his entire body and growled at me. (believe me I've considered an exorcism with this kid but growling is normal for autistic people when they are frustrated) At that point I had no clue that he had purposefully injured the girl, I assumed it was accidental, I asked him not to touch or poke anyone else again. He got mad and had an incredible hulk like moment and ran up and kicked through both sets of the double doors to exit our building. His mom is one of our youth team, she sort of has to be around. I have come to the conclusion that I've extended grace and second chances to him long enough and now I have to expel him from the youth group. He can't handle the social interaction, it is to overstimulating for him and he goes into overload. He is a time bomb and you don't know when he is going to go off. Now I have to have the talk with his mom about not allowing him back to youth group because he is going to seriously injure someone or himself and is a liability issue. It's hard because I've been his children's and youth pastor now for going on 7 years and I love him but he is a danger to the group. By the way violence is not a symptom of autism but temper tantrums are and he has a combination of both. What would you do?
Andy
Reaching Students to Discover Life in Christ
www.obxstudents.com |
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Last Login: 5/18/2008 1:36:50 AM
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| | Wow! What a very difficult situation! I agree that this young man is getting too dangerous to have in the group. I know I would hesitate sending my children to that group knowing that this behaviour was a certainity at any given time. As a compromise, would it be possible to ask that he not attend the bible study sessions but is invited to any "fun" events? How does he do in the meetings that do not require as much focus on the subject at hand? Is he getting frustrated knowing what others are understanding is too hard for him and that's when he acts up? He is realizing that he does have behaviors different than others and it scares him also. I would think his mom would understand. Especially since there has already been incidents of harm - you are not just saying, "we think he can harm someone" - you are saying, "he has harmed several people, his negative behaviors are increasing, and this does scare the other students." When you do not feel safe, it is time to remove the threat. I have no idea how to start the conversation with the mom. Make sure she knows how special her son is - we do love all our kids even those hard to understand and control. This discission is for him as well as all others involved. Talk to the youth group about this situation. Ask how they can work together to make this young man feel that they are his friends even if he does not attend the group's activities. He needs to know that although his behavior can be unacceptable, he is still God's child and has friends. I will pray for you, the young man, his mom, and your entire youth group.
- Adrianne
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Last Login: 10/2/2007 5:03:36 PM
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| We have two boys with autism (mild forms of Aspergers) and each is completely different in the way they relate to others but both can cause a great distraction more often than not. They are also both 17yrs old and Jrs in HS. I'll share with you how we deal with the angrier of the two
Boy #1 - Gets wigged out in large group activities, ok with discussions but gets highly frustrated when he feels ackward. Swears profanities and degrades others when he is angry. Gets loud and out of control and can be scary to others. Currently claims to be athiest but is making his way to being a Christian. Also lost his father to ALS when he was 10 yrs old.
When he was in middle school his angry outbursts started to get really bad and especially during Bible studies. He had to be asked to leave the room. He, his mother, and the pastor worked out a deal to have this boy bring a book tp every class session and activity (because reading calms him down). He also gave him permission to leave the room when he started feeling angry or frustrated. He could sit in the hall and read his book.
When he's attended large group events I always add one extra adult to the leadership because I know I'll be spending some extra time helping him calm down. He brings a book or two along and if we are offsite of the church we appoint a place he can go to when he is frustrated to calm down and I'll know where to find him. One time I discovered him shouting at an adult leader from another church because the adult asked him to get back inside with everyone else not realizing the situation. My guy cussed him out and said he had no authority over him... which did not go over well. I was able to somewhat smooth out the situation but did have to make it very clear that he would be sent home if he used the language any longer and that in multi-church events all adults are responsible for all the youth.
I often find he gets so frustrated because due to his autism his beliefs are so incredibly black and white. Understanding an invisible but relational God, the concept of Grace, and forgiving 'Christians' who have done horrible deeds is really hard for him to digest and make sense of. I have had some of my greatest teen theological conversations with a teen with him... At first ha challenged me on everything and now that we've come to respect each other he simply asks questions to bounce he thoughts off me. He has even gone from being an atheist to a Christian who has difficulty taking the Bible word for word - which I think is pretty nifty!
So maybe you've already dealt with your young man but I'm wondering if you might be able to set up a covenant between you, the student and his mother/father? Something along the lines of 1,2,3 offenses you're out for awhile, disorderly conduct will be a ticket home, and/or figure out what calms him down and figure away that he can learn to walk away from situations that stress him out. Have you talked with him individually about his faith... or found out what it is that ticks him off so quickly?
It is sooooo difficult, but these kids take everything so black and white that every measure of Grace as well as responsibility for actions we can give to these kids is so important and the other youth will see and learn how to deal with him as well.
Just my experience, thoughts, opinions.
best of luck to you... thanks for caring about this student.
God's peace... ~Leena
~Leena
Parish Life & Education
Grace Lutheran, Bellevue WA |
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