Need soul food feeling lost.

Ditsy aka ditwit

 

That's great to hear that your Power Lab was successful.

I'll be praying as well that God will give you peace and quiet.

God Bless,

Josh T. in Ohio

Group's Crocodile Dock VBS 2009 June 15-19, 2009

Ditsy

 

In Christ!

Jennifer

I can remember being in a room full of people and feeling so alone.  I couldn't concentrate enough to do the simplest tasks.  I felt guilty for questioning why God had allowed all these things to happen to me, but I would never voice my feelings because I didn't think I had the right to ask why.  My best friends were there for me for a while, but after a couple months I really didn't feel I had anyone to talk to about it because everyone else had moved on.  I remember on several occasions comments being made by my friends about how demanding their mother was or how she would do something to annoy them, and everything in me was screaming be grateful for what you have!! I would love to have my mother, but I kept a smile on the outside.

It seems that even in the church when a tragedy happens we are "allowed" a period of time (a month or two) to mourn our loss and then people forget and life goes on- for everyone except you.  I felt like my world was caving in around me and even the people who I was the closest to didn't understand.  I knew that God said in his word that He would never put more on me than I could bear, but I just didn't know if I could bear much more.  My heart felt as if it would literally break. I felt like I was sufficating.  During this time I tried to keep "pressing on" as if everything was fine around my family and friends but I cried myself to sleep most nights. 

It will be 3 years July 15th since I lost mom, and I never thought I would be able to say it, but the pain, although it is still there, is bearable.  I know she is in a better place than I am and I look forward to seeing her in heaven one day. May is always a hard month because of mothers day and her birthday, but it does get easier. As for my daughter, she had that beautiful grandson and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. He is a true joy and I couldn't immagine not having him in my life!  The wedding was beautiful complete with a memory table for the grandmothers who couldn't be there (the groom also lost his grandmother right before the wedding), and we are now children's pastors at a great church (full of love and not division). 

I shared this just because I wanted to tell you that it will get easier,  but it won't ever go away. Lean on your heavenly father during the times you feel alone because He will never leave nor forsake us.  Just know that it is okay to cry.  It's okay to ask why (Even Jesus asked God on the cross "why have you forsaken me?"), and it is okay for you to take time for you to heal (whatever amount of time that is). You can't be everything for everybody and you must take time for you or you won't be any good for anyone (including yourself).  Find something you enjoy doing and allow yourself some "you time".  For me that was sewing.  On top of the wedding/bridesmaid dresses, I made 13 quilts for Christmas presents the first year after my mother went to be with Jesus.  I spent many sleepless nights at that machine, but it was my "therapy".  Find something that gives you joy and allow yourself the time to do that thing,  whatever it is.

My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you.  If you ever need a shoulder or someone just to listen feel free to contact me.  My e-mail address is Frankbernina@aol.com  God bless,   Angie

Ditsy