First, the crazy stuff that is putting vbs prep more and more behind:  mom broke her leg in February.  I'm the only responsible on in my family (my dad died 4 years ago, and believe it or not, my only sibling is in JAIL !) so everything was dumped in my lap.  I broke my arm in March.  Two weeks later Virginia --- my 70 year old amazing artistic friend --- broke her arm!  We both got our casts off, and thought things would be OK from there.  Not so.

Last week, we got a call that Virginia was on her way to the hospital with an aneurysm in her brain!  Fortunately, she had some warning signs:  she was reading and what she saw was different that what was on the paper. And she was having headaches.   They did MRI's, cat scans, etc.  They've determined that she has had a mild stroke.  They "think" she will get everything back shortly. 

Then, Darcie (my other sidekick) called me about her husband Jan.  He ripped a tendon in his arm trying to help get Darcie's grandmothers safe down from upstairs.  Problem is:  he's self employed as a semi owner/operator.  He sure can't shift gears with a ripped tendon!  So, he has surgery this Thursday, and she is obviously more tied up with him. 

I was "officially" diagnosed with Lupus this spring.  They couldn't decided between rhuematoid arthritis or Lupus for awhile, but I finally went to the doctor in the middle of a flair up, which made the Lupus more evident.  I have good days, not so good days, and HORRIBLE days.  The problem is --- one of the things that makes the Lupus flair up is STRESS.  And, this is where the HUGE prayer request comes in:

My mom broke her leg in February.  She has been in a Nursing home ever since.  She was also diagnosed with dementia, which quite frankly explains a LOT of things.  (Paranoia, panic attacks, etc.)  I know it hasn't been a picnic for her, but it has truly been the worst thing I've ever been through!!  The nursing home itself is great:  the staff are all sweet, she's getting great care and therapy, etc.  And, we put her in one 4 miles from my house so I can be there almost every day.  But, mom fights EVERYTHING.  I take copious notes every time we go to the doctor, or have a care conference, etc.  She will later say that the doctor didn't say what's in my notes!  I know it's part of the dementia, but then she starts the verbal attacks.  They put her on anti anxiety medication and anti psychotic medication.  That helped a LOT, and I heard her laugh for the first time in years!  I honestly thought that things might go smooth.  Not quite.  She has progressed as far as they think she is going to in a therapy setting.  She walks with a walker, and may never get to walk without it since the break was so bad.  She is also on oxygen permanently since she has COPD.  She had assumed that she would be able to go back to her own house, which is an hour from me and go right back to driving, etc.   

Well.....today we had a home evaluation to see if she could do that.  I knew it couldn't be done, but her therapist knew that we would need to "prove" it to her.  We went to her house with her walker and tried numerous things -- getting in an out of the bathroom, bed, etc.  Problems:  small front porch where there isn't room for my mom and her walker really.  Plus, she has bad shoulders from a previous injury and can't lift the walker by herself!  The walker won't fit in the bathroom at all.  Her laundry is in the basement.  They definitely aren't going to release her to drive --- they think the dementia has progressed to the point of danger for her.  I don't disagree....she has been in 4 accidents in 5 years (her fault). 

Today(Tuesday) they will tell her the news:  they want her to go to an assisted living arrangement, or MAYBE a senior apartment.  She is going to come unglued!  She was suspecting it today and was having fits:  telling me that I don't have power of attorney to put her in a place like that, etc.  I don't....but if she goes against a doctor, a head nurse, a therapist and a social workers opinion, they can declare her incompetent!  She isn't thinking logically about this at all.  She is an HOUR away from me.  She thinks she can make it on her own when she doesn't even go to the bathroom by herself, yet.  She doesn't take into consideration my health problems.  Like I said, I'm the one that has to take care of her....even though my doctor has a had a fit about that.  He isn't uncaring --- he just said that my OWN health is too precarious to take care of someone else!  I'm not trying to whine, it's just fact.  There are days that I truly couldn't help her because I hurt too bad to get off the couch.  At least if she was closer to me, my kids could help with whatever I couldn't. 

Well....I need some sleep.  I appreciate you reading my ramblings.  LOL  Please pray that she comes to terms with this situation.  I wish I had a way to make it all go away, and let her go back the way she wants it to be.  Hey, if I could do that...I'd do it for ME, too!    And, please pray that today will go OK.  I hate to see her so upset!

If you have any sage advice for me, I'd truly appreciate that.  Otherwise, I just covet your prayers. 

PS -- If anyone else is going through the dementia thing, get the book: The 36 hour day.  It is a fabulous book written by 2 doctors, but understandable to us laymen. 

Thanks again for all of you.  I don't know what I'd do without you!

Blessings

My prayers are with you and your mother as well.    I understand what you are going through with your mom is heartbreaking for you.  I know you wish you could do more for her and WOULD if you could.  Dementia is such a debilitating disease and not only does it affect the person with dementia, it affects their loved ones also. 

I am a RN in a inpatient Physical rehab facility in a rural area and I see families going through what you are going through, all the time.  Please do not forget that when your mother attacks you verbally that it's the dementia talking to you, not your mother.  If she was competent, then she would do the same thing that you are doing.  I know it's difficult to see your mother like this, but try to focus on your love for her and the love she has shown you all your life.   Remember to lean on God and his strength.   "Seek the Lord and His Strength, Seek His face continually."

 

~~~Seek the Lord and His Strength; Seek His Face Continually.  Psalm 105:4~~~

I'm praying for you.   Your situation would get anyone down and we're here to support each other.  

God must want to do great things in your VBS if the opposition is throwing all these obstacles your way!

R

I am sorry that you are having such extreme trials right now.  I know it seems like it is more then you can handle.  Keep on keeping on, the Lord is with you and he will strengthen you even if it is only one step at a time.  I am praying for you.

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Blessings to you my friend.  As far as VBS goes, you have every reason to take a break.  I would for sure. 

Take care,

Donna in NH <><

Terri --  I do know that it's the dementia talking (thanks to that book that the social worker at the Nursing home recommended).  Like most people, I was clueless to the many facets of this disease.  I thought it was just "forgetting things".  My mom's sister also had dementia, and died last spring.  But, she was loving and sweet all the time.  She would tell you the same story 5 times in a 15 minute conversation, and she wandered away a couple of times.  But, she wasn't belligerent like my mom is.  Hey, it could be worse....there is a lady down the hall from mom that calls people vile names.  Her CNA jokingly asked me if I had a bar of soap the other day.  She said that "someone needed their mouth washed out."  LOL

Well......I have interesting NEWS !!    Like I said, mom was a real trial with the home visit situation.  She even lied to the therapist and told her that she was doing her own lawn before she broke her leg.  I know that the therapist didn't believe her...partially because she saw my chin drop to the ground in shock!  The therapist was pretty clear that there were some insurmountable problems with mom's house, but mom kept fighting the issue.  All the way back to the nursing home, it was one thing after another:  "Well, I'm not signing any papers to send me anywhere.  Guess you'll have to take me to court."  "What do YOU know, anyway?", etc. etc.  I'm actually pretty tough (usually), but it's so hard to see her so upset! 

Oh, I forgot to tell you this part:  we have to make a decision where she is going BY June 1st because her insurance won't pay to keep her at the Nursing Home after that.  And, son John is graduating this year.  We are having an open house June 10th.  Sarah had over 200 people come to hers and I'm sure John will have the same.  (We planned the party before I got the June 1 move date.)  I got so stressed over it that I sent myself into a MAJOR flair up.  I couldn't open my hands today, my ankles are terribly swollen, and I'm exhausted.  It sounds terrible, but I was dreading going to the Nursing Home today to see mom because I thought it would be a major mess.  Well.......she was in good spirits when I came in the room.  I asked how therapy went.  She answered "Good, but she didn't give me the evaluation papers."  I told her "I sure wish they'd hurry, we have a lot to get done in a short time."  It was her next statement that SHOCKED ME BEYOND BELIEF! 

She said "Well, the therapist said at the home evaluation that I couldn't go home.  I'm sure she hasn't changed her mind since then.  The AFC home you're talking about is near you, isn't it?"   She was