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| I received the call to youth ministry about 2 years ago. I have been a lifelong member of a pentecostal church and God put a calling to preach on my life at the age of 15. Over the past couple of years I have served as an unofficial assistant youth pastor to the past two youth pastors we've had (mind you, I'm only 21). After this last youth pastor stepped down, he recommended me to fill the role as youth pastor and I had significant support from other active volunteers. Instead, the pastor chose to install a youth committee led by the pastor's wife. Now, I didn't know how I would like that in the beginning, but it has worked out quite well. However, I believe we are approaching the end (if we haven't already) of the usefulness of the comittee. There isn't one specific person giving guidance or discipline or building that report with the young people and I do feel that it's beginning to hurt the ministry overall and the kids we lead (we have a group of 15-20 young people aged 12-18).
My problem tends to be the fact that I am single and really don't have any intentions to get married in the immediate future. A few leaders in our church feel that a single man should not be youth pastor regardless of anything else. And I do see some merit in that, but then again, when is it right to allow our opinions to get in the way of God's calling? In fact, it's so strong that a young man who had been very successful as a Youth Pastor moved back to our church from Indiana, the pastor considered bringing him on as a youth leader, but because he is single, the pastor was talked out of it.
Also, it is bad for me to pray that God would send me somewhere where marital status isn't a qualification to be a youth pastor just as long as that person has the calling, ability and know how to get the job done?
Any guidance and advice you could shed onto this would be greatly appreciated.
Jeffrey Isbell
www.myinnerthoughtsblog.com |
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| | This is just my personal opinion, but I do feel that someone who is dealing every week with teenage guys and girls needs to be above reproach. It is very dangerous for a married man to be alone or in a bad situation with a teen girl, and even more dangerous for a single man no matter how good your intentions are. And I think that is why many people won't consider a single man to be youth pastor. While I agree it is wiser to be married, that is not to say that single people can't be leaders in church. I appreciate your call and desire to work and minister to teens and there are many places you can minister. However, having a youth pastor while single I think is not the wisest move for a church to make. I understand that is not what you want to hear, but I had the same questions before i married, and I feel God wanted me to wait. This is only my opinion as there is no Bible verse that gives a clear answer. But whatever yo udo should be above reproach. Don't give any instance of anyone bringing any wrong accusation on you. And unfortunatly in today's world, being single is enough to make people wonder. Stay strong wo what God wants you to do and trust and wait on him. Hope this helps some. |
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| It does help. You know, it's just a little discouraging knowing that i have a call on my life for youth ministry when people come up to me and say, "You'd be a great youth pastor if only you were married" or "why don't you get married so you can be youth pastor". And I hear that several times per week and quite frankly it's frustrating when I do hear that and I know I'm obviously capable in their eyes but yet don't meet their personal requirements.
Jeffrey Isbell
www.myinnerthoughtsblog.com |
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Last Login: 5/4/2008 7:21:24 PM
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| | Hi Jeffery, Bro, I feel your pain, lol. I'm a nearly 30-year-old youth pastor. I've served in full-time youth ministry for over a decade. I am not married. I am a virgin. I don't casually date. My church leaders don't seem to care at all, however, I have gotten a parent or two and even friends make comments about me getting married. The pressure can be terrible, even when it's not meant to be. Don't give in and don't settle! Don't allow yourself to feel so pressured that you lower your standards (on an almost subconscious level to be a people pleaser), and get with the wrong woman. It's not that I'm not married because I don't want to be, in fact I really want to be, but I'm not because I haven't found a quality godly woman that is my match yet. Be patient, in God's timing I have no doubt that He'll bring the right woman into both of our lives. I do think you need to be extra careful (whether married or single) to make sure you are not alone with teenage girls. Don't drive them home alone. Don't counsel them alone (or where people can't see you). Don't do anything or be anywhere with them alone, even if it's innocnent the devil could use it to ruin your good name. I don't think God cares that your single and a youth pastor. Paul the apostle was single and he was an apostle! In the right time I'm sure God will hook you up, just keep doing what you're doing. If your church won't allow you to minister for the reason of singleness I would very prayerfully consider seeking out a new church to serve in. (But first I'd do a deep study on singleness and ministry in the Bible, looking at Paul, etc. and present the study to the elders and see if they would look further into it before they made up thier mind. I did a Google search for "single pastor" and came up with lots of results, it may be worthwhile to check those out and read other people's studies.) God bless you. I am praying for you. |
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| | Jeff, Thank you for answering God's call on your life and for serving His kids. While being married does not guarantee your character it does put many people at ease. There are plenty of churches that are more than open to a youth pastor who is unmarried. As you interview with other churches and the process deepens be honest and upfront about your position on getting married. Be encouraged and follow His calling. Keep your options open and love His kids. Matt |
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| I Know where you are coming from! I am only 20 years old and just became the Youth Pastor at my church, and knowing that high school girls like to make up stories, it provides problems. He is the rule at our Church, NEVER BE ALONE WITH A YOUTH...EVER! Allways have 2 adults together at a time, that includes when driving kids home, find a way to make this happen. If you are never alone with a youth then it is hard for someone to falsely accuse you of sexual harassment, moreover, if you do have temptations they will be near impossible to fulfill with another adult there. Remember that the Bible does not condemn being single (In fact Paul promotes it!) and the verse that are quoted suggesting that a pastor or elder should be married can be interpreted many different ways (I.E. it is not a big enough of an Issue that God felt the need to write about it more than once, if that). Good luck, and God Bless!
-Christian |
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| | Thanks for bringing up this topic. Jeff- My advice to you would be to always be in prayer on what God would want you to do in Youth Ministry, whether staying or leaving, and on finding a wife. God Bless, Josh T. in Ohio
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| | Ok I am going to pipe up. Most every reply is about teen girls causing the problem and spreading stories. Therefore, be careful, don't do this, don't do that. I am a female youth leader (though I am married) and I follow the same routines as a male leader would. Do not counsel them alone (always counsel where there is an adult woman and man), do not put yourself in a prediciment where you cannot validate your side of the situation. With that being said, I still find myself hanging out with the teens on my own, chatting with them while we wait for parents and have even hung out with them outside of church. I guess my point is---why do ppl look on the male leader with hesitation but the female leader seems "safer"? Not attacking anyone, it is a legitamate question.
 ~Misty from Indiana
Non-conformist!! Romans 12:2  Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!
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