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Last Login: 11/7/2008 11:39:15 PM
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I have a 18 year old high school senior that has been a christian for 4 years. I have worked with her for a few years and have finally realized why other students don't get along with her. She's a sweet girl but in every conversation she talks only about herself. She will bring up things that only applies to her, she will cut people off in conversation and talk about something she did that day. She never asks questions unless it is about herself. I started noticing this 3 months ago and have been observing it ever sense. It amazes me how a person could keep this up. But how do I bring this subject up to her without her being crushed. I love her very much and want to warn her of her character issue before she goes off to college. How do I bring this up and what verses should I use.
"Save to Live, Live to Serve"
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| I don't have any advice but I'll definitely be praying for you and the girl. May God give you strength and the words to say to her. God Bless, Josh 
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Chick,
There is not a way to have a conversation with her that will not hurt her feelings or just flat out make her mad at you and the world. Before you address her one on one you have to evaluate your relationship with her and how much equity you have with her and how she responds to correction (which I assume is not all too well.)
The best way to handle it is through a series during small groups and also through your student service (if applicable). Then you can address to everyone your desire to grow healthy Christians concerned about His Kingdom. You can include small group discussion afterwards. That will give you the "in" to meet with her one on one. Keep me updated!
matt
forum moderator
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| God called us to be encouragers... So... (and this also happens to be the most effective way I've ever seen to bring about positive change in behavior!)... Set up a situation in which she is forced to ask other people questions about themselves... then compliment her profusly on her skill at doing so... even if she's horrible at it! (seriously!) She may know you're being "encouraging" but she'll get the message without having her feelings hurt. I had a similar situation with a student with our local high school band, who plays a pretty large instrument, but leaves it to other students to carry it for him. I had another parent ask him to pick up his instrument and put it away... and I walked over and said, "I just have to tell you how much I appreciate knowing you're one of the students who helps us out by putting your instrument away! Thanks!" He looked at me and seriously thought about saying, "But I've never done this before... then his life-lessons in manners kicked in and he got the message that he really HASN'T been one of those students... and he walked away with lesson learned... and a sense that I appreciated him.. even if it might have been falsely placed!" It might sound sort of devious... but it works.. we humans respond MUCH more effectively to encouragement.. even if it's falsely placed... than to criticism or correction.
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Last Login: 11/8/2009 8:29:36 PM
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Wow, thanks youthmom. That's really good advice. I may try that with my teen daughter here at home! 
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Video her in conversation then play it back to her, see if she can spot it. Just a thought.
Andy
Reaching Students to Discover Life in Christ
www.theaddyouthpastor.com
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