Melissa - NY

You are in my prayers... as the position you have found yourself in is a very difficult one.  I found myself in the same spot in the last church I was in.  I had been there for 6 years and I too held on and stuck things out, but after 2 years of dealing with a similar situation I realized that I could not continue any longer.  My focus was on the youth and where God was calling for all of my time in ministry there, but after numerous incidents...the only choice I had was to leave.  The unhealthy situation of the church and the senior pastor's approach (very similar to what you described) were eating away at my soul.  I realized that although it would be very difficult to leave and that there was a good chance things in the youth ministry would suffer greatly...it was suffering anyway because of the seemingly insecurity of the senior pastor and the hurt that the situation had caused me to carry around with me.  God gave me a great sense of peace about my decision, even though it was very, very difficult for me to think about the youth, their families and the congregation that I had come to love and grow with in Christ. 

I have read a number of posts regarding the senior pastor and our role to obey and follow their vision or leave.  My only comment to this would be that pastors are human too.  I believe that sometimes they can be lead down a path that perhaps isn't what God had intended.  All to often the "good old boy" network plays more the role of God....unfortunately more than any of us want to admit.  I can respect that a conversation with the pastor before a decision is a good thing, but if your situation is as close to mine was...when that conversation happens/happened you were demeaned, degraded, and demoralized by the very person some think we should fall before.  I am called by God, not by a senior pastor.  Yes, our views and visions may not be the same...but that doesn't mean we are not both called.  Called to love, serve, encourage, and grow in our love of Jesus Christ together.  Ultimately the vision of the entire church would follow where it is God is leading us to...if the ministry happening isn't a part of that picture...then a conversation should happen about what that could look like.  Sometimes, as was my situation, the decisions and conversations happen less from the "vision" part of things and more from the "insecure, controlling" part of things.  That is our human weakness and a part of the world we can all find ourselves falling into...including senior pastors.

When I left my job the sense of peace I had allowed me to be open to other opportunities that God provided within a few weeks of my leaving.  I am now working in another church with a program that was in a great amount to transition.  It has been a challenge to say the least, but I believe parts of my past has allowed me to approach things from a very different view.  I feel blessed to have a new church family and one that has been very understanding and supportive.  That in itself was worth the change.  Pray and follow where it is you feel God is leading you too.  My prayer is that as you do so...God will begin to fill the void and pain in your soul and connect you to the one true love we are called towards...Jesus Christ.

www.stcharlesassembly.org

I can only tell you what I think I would do in your situation.  Since I don't know the dynamic of your church or denomination (if you have one), this may not be your course of action.

I would take another person with me and speak to him, maybe a board member or a parent of one of the teens.  Someone he respects (or should), but who has seen his treatment of you.  If that doesn't work, take it to the church board.  If that doesn't work, shake the dust off your feet and leave with your head held high.   If your church is part of a denomination or network of churches, consider going over his head and explain to your pastor's superior (in the church of the Nazarene, it's the district superintendent) why you are leaving.  It would be in the best interest of the church if he is not allowed to behave this way again.

All this after prayer and fasting, of course.  God will guide you, and give you a sense of peace when you let him make the decision.