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Forum Newbie
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Last Login: 11/9/2009 4:00:42 PM
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| Our church has recently put into place a "a parent can not be a child's small group leader" policy. I feel this goes against everything the Bible teaches, especially in Deuteronomy. To my surprise, this seems to be a common practice among youth ministry. Why? I feel my church has taken a cultural/psychological issue and infused it into church policy. If God felt that "youth needed a place where they can be free to express themselves (blah, blah, blah)..." He would have put it in the Bible. My daughter and I have a unique relationship and after being her leader for the past year, she and I are both devastated that the church has come to this conclusion. (FYI - she has plenty of healthy adult relationships that she can seek if there is something she cannot share with me)
Blessings
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Junior Member
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Last Login: 11/17/2009 12:20:03 PM
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| I am the youth leader at our church and have been for 7 years. I have 4 children of my own and when I started into leadership one of them was in that age group. I have taught him and am currently teaching both of my other two. I do not think that I have ever incountered the problem of them not being able to ask a question or comment during a discussion. I do understand that "your children are not always going to talk to you about everything" but like you said, there are other adults that they will speak to about things that they are afraid or embarrassed to talk to me about. I don't fully understand the reasoning for not letting you teach your own children as long as they are treated NO DIFFERENTLY than any of the other children. I don't know what else to say about that. I will be in prayer for you.
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Forum Guru
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Last Login: 11/18/2009 7:13:05 PM
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This is common practice? Harumph! I taught Sunday school and youth group with my kids in the class. They didn't mind a bit, kinda enjoyed it actually. Making disciples of your children is a Biblical directive, one that parents have totally abdicated to the youth group. It's not getting done. What better way to teach your kid what a devoted follower of Christ is than to let them see you teaching kids and expressing your faith to others.
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Forum Expert
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| I have never heard of this before. Of course parents can teach their kids in a small group. I don't see anything in the bible that would support that at all. I do understand that sometimes a parent may not do well but you have to deal with that on an individual basis. For the most part I have seen parents to be great role models in any small group with or without their children in their group. I have to say I am really floored I have never heard of this. Melissa - NY
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Forum Newbie
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| God works in unique ways! I decided not to lead a small group at the church this year because when given the choice or opportunity - I will always want to spend time with my daughter and her friends (i.e. Having breakfast at IHop when school has a late start morning, walking around Six Flags for youth night, or shopping for homecoming dresses). So I decided to help out in the "background" - doing the powerpoint, driving to events, etc. Well, God surprised me 2 fold yesterday: After posting this weeks ago - out of the blue I get a response confirming what I believe to be biblical. And then -- my daughter comes home and tells me that she and 2 of her friends were discussing their current "small group" situation at lunch, and after spending the summer, camp and fall small group evenings with their new leaders they decided they don't want to go back. I won't go into the details of "why" - but they want to know if we can have our own mid-weeks study. I don't want to undermine the HS ministry so my husband and I are praying for what to do next -- But, what a blessing to have God confirm that what I was hearing in my heart was true - that I was called to minister to this particular group of girls for reasons I hope I will be able to see one day.
Blessings
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Forum Guru
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I'm so pleased your daughter responded to you this way.
I just heard of another church down the road that did the same thing -summarily dismissed their parents involvement in the youth ministry. Their reason was that the kid's don't feel that they can share as openly when their parents are around. This is probably true but knowing the parties involved the way I do leads me to believe that it's more about jealously and pride.
Yes, I've had kid's open up to me about things they would never tell their parents but I encouraged a lot of parental involvement too. There were plenty of times when kids could share without their parents around. Thinking back, the parents of the troubled kids were not involved anyway.
Kids feel loved when they see their parents involved. What a good mentoring example. Parents also bring a higher level of maturity and wisdom to the leadership than just a 20 something intern or just graduated youth pastor.
Note "I strongly recommend putting together a mix of volunteers from different age groups. Most young leaders lack experience. They have a hard time coming across as authentic when talking about things like perseverance. They have not yet faced the troubles of life and won. However, the younger leader can offer the exuberance of a budding faith that an old warrior can not. In addition, 20-something jock youth leader will naturally attract athletically able boys to his youth group. A grand-motherly youth leader might have a group that resembles a girl scout troop. A leader will attract the kids they empathize with most.The other kids will feel disconnected and may drift off to some other churches group. If you find yourself serving at a new church with a group you don't connect with quickly enlist the help of volunteers with the characteristics that match your kids. No one will have all the characteristics of every kid in any group so a varied group of volunteers will help ensure that all the kids feel a natural connection to one of the leaders."
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| I want to encourage you to stay involved in your daughter's life! We have a group that meets here at our house (middle schoolers) on Monday nights. It's an interdenom thing called "Teens for Christ" that operates through the school district. They just started using our house this fall and I wasn't sure what I should do while they meet. I asked my 13 yo daughter and she actually wanted me to hang out and be with the group. I was really touched. I have found that their VERY young leaders (all under 25) have alot to learn about prepping a lesson so I'm trying to lovingly give them a little tip or two each week in private. (stuff like if I were leading I'd make all the kids turn their cell phones off before lesson and if they are out take them away for the rest of the meeting. This had never occurred to them and the phones are a HUGE distraction!) Just because I don't want to overwhelm the leaders I hang with the kids at the start, stay for the ice breaker and then slip out for their lesson. I come back to prep snacks and play bad cop for the last 1/2 hour or so (some of the kids haven't had alot of "social" training like don't wrestle on the dining room table! Seriously!)
Pictures taken on vacation at Lake Junaluska, NC.
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iloveyouth (9/7/2009)
Our church has recently put into place a "a parent can not be a child's small group leader" policy. I feel this goes against everything the Bible teaches,especially in Deuteronomy.
To my surprise, this seems to be a common practice among youth ministry. Why?
I feel my church has taken a cultural/psychological issue and infused it into church policy. If God felt that "youth needed a place where they can be free to express themselves (blah, blah, blah)..." He would have put it in the Bible.
My daughter and I have a unique relationship and after being her leader forthepastyear, she and I are both devastated that the church has come to this conclusion. (FYI- she has plenty of healthy adult relationships that she can seek if there is something she cannot share with me)
Your church's policy is it's policy. I would maybe talk about this in a kind way. There is probably a history as to why they have this by-law.
We have a lot of parents who have their kid in their small group. It works well, but I talk to the parent & child separately before I put them in the same group. Some don't want to be together, some do.
----
Love God
Love People
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