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Junior Member
 
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/2/2009 4:57:49 PM
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| I'm praying and praying here but I'm so lost as to how to handle a few isues that concern my youth ministry. My church is pretty small and we have an elder/deacon board and the senior pastor who run everything. They are all men and I am the only woman in leadership who is paid. In our youth group there is a family that is made up of two older women who have 2 adopted boys and 2 foster boys. The family is a mess. I went to my pastor to discuss this family and he just laughs it off. One boy comes to youth group completely stoned, another just does his best to disrupt every thing, the oldest has confided to me that he just wants to get out of that house no matter what if it means stealing he'll do it and the youngest doesn't speak...at all. I have tried to counsel the boys as best I can. The drug user came to me to apologize for using drugs and asked me to pray for him. I said I would and a week later he was totaly out of it again...so bad he sits, stares and drools and he's only 14. I really need some advice here on how to proceed when my elder leadership is taking this so lightly. We have a winter retreat planned and I asked everyone who wants to go to pay a $25 deposit. Then we would see if we could raise funds to help everyone with the cost. ONe of the mothers told me she put the money in the collection plate at church, the elders said to tell her it went into the general fund and she should back off her tithe until she gets the money back so she can pay me directly. Well, she was very angry and never paid the deposit. When I asked her about she said well, it's too much and now she didn't think the boys wanted to go on my silly outing. When I asked the oldest if he still wanted to attend retreat he was real enthusiatic. I know he has a job so I told him to get the deposit so he can go but I don't know what to do about the others. The elders told me to stand my ground on the money issue b/c these women have a history of being users...in other words, they take advantage. LIke I said before I'm at a loss. I'm praying but my heart is breaking too. Any help?
Joyfully,
Barb
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Forum Guru
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/18/2009 7:13:05 PM
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Dear Barb:
I see there have been 131 views of your note but no reply's. That could be discouraging too. I'm hoping that all those folks have been praying for you and this very tough situation. I read your note last week and while thinking about it found out that the dad of one of my kids hung himself in the neighbors garage. He had a drinking problem that he couldn't handle, had hurt his kids in a DUI accident and couldn't live with the guilt. Everyone was stunned. We all questioned ourselves for not being there enough or doing enough. This can really drag the whole community down.
Maybe it's a question of determining how much we really can (or can't) do or should do. In reality, God is in control of this. Things we might view as bad He might view differently. Sometimes I think we might get in His way when we try to "fix" things.
It is heartbreaking to see families you care about be unwilling to accept the help you offer. It is also frustrating beyond endurance to see ineffective leadership but it's what we've been given to work with (or under). I've never been able to change an entrenched hierarchy at a church.
For our own sanity we must also understand the limits of what we can do or should do. You should be the best youth pastor you can be. Keep teaching good Bible lessons. Leave it to the Holy Spirit to use it. Use your best judgment after praying it through. We will pray for you too.
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Forum Expert
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Last Login: Today @ 5:41:36 AM
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| I am so sorry for all this you are going thru, it is a tough situation to be in. You want to help this family but it seems your hands are tied by leadership and other things. The only thing I can add to what was already said is that I would leave it in Gods hands, He is in complete control no matter who the leadership is. If God wants these kids on the retreat He will make a way. I know that is really hard to do, as we just want to reach out and help these kids, but God knows and He can do anything. Continue to pray for them each and every day and listen to what God is telling you to do. This is the hard part of ministry, but God will get you thru this! Melissa - NY
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Junior Member
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Last Login: 2 days ago @ 11:32:46 AM
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A few random thoughts.
1. I have totally been there before & it is very hard. I am currently looking at 2 bullets that I collected from a kid that I had been trying to reach out to for years. He grew up in the church & is now selling drugs & toting a handgun with very deadly ammo (don't worry, I've called the police). He is a senior & will not come to church anymore, and just stole the youth group Wii!
He knows that I and the leaders love him, but he is just at a point that he has to learn the hard way.
What is my role? I am praying for him, I let him know that I love him & am here to talk, I challenge him in a caring & direct way.
2. I have another teen boy that I am working with who is very disruptive during youth group (about the 10th kid I have had like this now...so it is getting easier, at least tactically speaking). I told him that he NEEDS to learn some social ques; when to goof around, & when to be quiet. I also let him know that youth group, during the lesson, is a time to listen, think, & learn. I told him that if he is unable to do this, then I cannot allow him to stop others from learning & will need to ask him to excuse himself until he is able to behave in an appropriate manner (remembering that God is ultimately the one who saves him).
3. Our role, as youth leaders, is to first live solely & fully dedicated to the Lord & honor Him with our lives. Second, it is to love people & to equip them for serving Christ. If they don't want to listen, that does not affect our role.
Example- God told Jeremiah to preach & by the way, the people would totally blow him off (Jeremiah 7:27). Our role is not to make people listen, but to proclaim His words.
Youth ministry is tough. It is often discouraging (unless you are apathetic) & very rarely do you see any immediate results. But, the day will come when we will receive our reward from the Lord, so hang in there & pass the torch of faith to the next generation.
Jeff
PS- as far as the senior pastor not giving you the support, remember a couple of things:
1. You work for the Lord, so do what is right.
2. You are self-employed.
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Love God
Love People
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